I know it has been a long time since I have written, but I haven't had a lot to say. I have also been writing my book. The pain is still present, I miss her more that I can ever describe and somehow I keep surviving each day. I can't help but wonder what she would be like now. She should be 18 months old on Friday. She would be walking and talking and into girly things. All things I want but can never have. All things that I long for and someday hope to have with another child. It may not be the same, but I know I will love them just the same.
A month ago Chris and I went on a much needed vacation. We went to Mexico with his two best friends and their wives. While we met through our husbands I consider these two girls great friends. One night while we were there we went out to the beach so I could write Macie's name in the sand. I know most of you are friends with me on facebook and have seen the pictures, but for those of you who aren't I will post pictures soon. When I wrote her name in the sand and took pictures under the moonlight it looked like it was glowing. I loved it. I know it was emotional for everyone. While I know it is ok to cry and break down, especially with our close friends, I once again waiting until I was back in our room by ourselves. I don't know why I am this way, but I have been since the beginning. The only person I really let see me break down is Chris and most of the time I will wait until I am completely alone before any tears start. However, we had a great time on our trip!! I know most people thought we would get pregnant on our vacation, but we did not. I don't know when our next chapter will begin with a baby, but I promise to keep you all informed of when it does happen. I think I am ready so it might be sooner rather than later.
As I looked at the calendar today and realized it was April 3rd it dawned on me that I met my husband for the first time 6 years ago tomorrow. Wow time flies! While nobody's life is perfect, we have gone through more than any one couple should ever have to go through. But through it all we are still by each other's side just as we have been from the very beginning and stronger than ever. Meeting him was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. The day we had Macie was the happiest day of my life and the best thing that has ever happened to me. With tomorrow being the 4th it brings my mind to May 5th, the day we decided to "officially" start dating back in 2006. We picked up my best friend Jenny who kept saying Cinco De Mayo! Only instead of pronouncing it like you should she was pronouncing Mayo like the sandwhich spread. It is a memory I will cherish forever as we laughed all night and Chris and I still joke about her saying that to this day.
I'm sorry I don't have more to say, but I wanted to fill you in a little bit with what has been going on. Nothing too exciting as you can see. I hope everyone has a happy Easter!