Hey Friends,
The closer it is getting to Macie's first birthday the harder my days are getting, but none of the past 8 months of my life have been easy. Maybe the daze I have been walking around in is started to diminish, maybe the strength I tried to have is fading, maybe it is because it is the 25th and a Sunday which are both hard days for me, maybe it is just because I'm heart broken and celebrating her birthday without her here is enough to kill me. I may not have the answer, but I feel the pain. And with her first birthday approaching I know from October 6th-January 25th I will sit and think....."a year ago today I was doing this with Macie...."
To celebrate Macie's first birthday we have decided to do a balloon release with close friends and family in the church parking lot where her funeral took place. I know this probably isn't the best way to explain it, but I'm at a lack of words- this sucks. I hate that she isn't here and we have to celebrate her life with a balloon release rather than gathering around watching her eat cake and everything else you do at a 1st birthday party. I know I will survive it just like I have somehow managed to survive the past 8 months, but it hurts.
I went to a get together this past week with other SIDS mom's in KC. It was probably the best thing I have done. Being able to share my story and listen to other's stories helped me. I have known that I am not the only one, but seeing them in person and talking with them made me realize how much I am not alone. I hate that I know them because of this, but thankful they are here and we can be there for each other. It also made me realize that I'm not the only one that thinks people are crazy when they say certain things to a SIDS mom. I'm not the only one who cringes when someone walks up to you and just starts talking about their baby. Yes I want to be treated normal and don't want people walking on egg shells around me, but hearing about another child's milestones that Macie will never hit still hurts. Maybe someday when Chris and I decide to have another baby this won't hurt so bad, but right now it does. I don't know when we will all get together again, but I am looking forward to it because being around the other mom's helps me.
Until next time.
Take Care,
Lisa
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Recently
Hey Friends,
I know I have been MIA for a few weeks, but I have been really busy. Between getting my CPC certification, work, Chris starting a new business and then traveling for work it hasn't left much time for sleep much less blogging.
With traveling for work I was a little nervous about it. It would be the first time Chris was home by himself since Macie received her angel wings and I was anxious, stressed and nervous for him. I did this back in March and cried A LOT, but it was good for me at the same time. Honestly I'm not sure how many tears Chris shed, but I do know he didn't like it very much and was VERY happy to have me back home Thursday night. :)
Our house is empty and silent and it is something neither of us like, but we aren't ready to take the plunge into making Macie an older sister yet at the same time. I don't want to put my heartache and stress of Macie's first birthday or first angelversary on another child in my womb. Granted it may be fine and not do anything to the baby, but I have it in my head that I should wait and therefore we are. We do want to be parents again and so when people ask I simply say, "some day". Now some day may seem vague, but the truth is I don't know when, but I do know that some day we will have another baby and I know Macie will be looking down beaming as the proud older sister. I also know that I will probably take the term "Neurotic Parent" to a higher level and annoy everyone around me so I guess this is your forewarning! :)
Today is the first Husker game and we are HUGE Nebraska football fans. We can leave the state, but our love for Nebraska football will never leave. I couldn't help but get a little teary eyed when they showed a little girl on TV in a cheer leading outfit. My mind instantly wondered to Macie being dressed up for the Husker game today like we did last year. I also made myself smile thinking of all of the different Husker outfits my mom would have had for her with matching shoes, socks and purse. My mom loved being a Grandma more than anything and it shows in her photos. If you are friends with my mom on Facebook then you are able to see Macie's life documented from the start with pictures. She loves her camera and my dad loves being the photographer and I'm very thankful for all of the pictures they have.
Chris still works for Miller's as their Lawncare Sales Manager, but his new business he has started is being a distributor for Body By Vi because it is a product we believe in. I'm sure some of you have heard of it and others of you probably have no idea what it is. It is a weight loss challenge that combines health and wellness products to help achieve a total body transformation. I can tell you from my own experience that it makes me feel great! I still have weight that I would like to lose from being pregnant and I'm a stress eater so needless to say the pounds came on pretty quickly starting 2011. It has only been a couple of weeks, but I am starting to shed pounds, inches and feel better and have more energy than I have had in a long time. If you are interested in losing weight, feeling better or finding out more information you can go to Chris' wesbite: http://www.christopherbarton.bodybyvi.com/ or you can e-mail me: lisa.mieras.barton@gmail.com. I know some of you have probably tried other products so for those of you that have here is some comparisons for you: Nutrisystem $409.00/mo, Jenny Craig $400/mo, South Beach $348.00/mo, Body By Vi $99/mo for 60 meals; refer 3 people & get it for FREE! No counting points or depriving yourself of your favorite foods either! Body by Vi customers have had success from 10 to over 110 lbs lost! When you go to the website there are pictures and you can see the results speak for themselves.
Tomorrow we are heading to the KC Royals game with 2 of our really good friends and then we are going to the Irish Festival. Chris and I went to the Irish Festival last year when I was 8 months pregnant and all I can recall is that they had cheesecake on a stick dipped in chocolate. Needless to say I loved it and I'm sure Macie did too! :) We are having a nice Labor Day weekend at home enjoying Kansas City.
Now I need to get back to studying for my CPC so I hope all of you have a great Labor Day weekend!
Take Care,
Lisa
I know I have been MIA for a few weeks, but I have been really busy. Between getting my CPC certification, work, Chris starting a new business and then traveling for work it hasn't left much time for sleep much less blogging.
With traveling for work I was a little nervous about it. It would be the first time Chris was home by himself since Macie received her angel wings and I was anxious, stressed and nervous for him. I did this back in March and cried A LOT, but it was good for me at the same time. Honestly I'm not sure how many tears Chris shed, but I do know he didn't like it very much and was VERY happy to have me back home Thursday night. :)
Our house is empty and silent and it is something neither of us like, but we aren't ready to take the plunge into making Macie an older sister yet at the same time. I don't want to put my heartache and stress of Macie's first birthday or first angelversary on another child in my womb. Granted it may be fine and not do anything to the baby, but I have it in my head that I should wait and therefore we are. We do want to be parents again and so when people ask I simply say, "some day". Now some day may seem vague, but the truth is I don't know when, but I do know that some day we will have another baby and I know Macie will be looking down beaming as the proud older sister. I also know that I will probably take the term "Neurotic Parent" to a higher level and annoy everyone around me so I guess this is your forewarning! :)
Today is the first Husker game and we are HUGE Nebraska football fans. We can leave the state, but our love for Nebraska football will never leave. I couldn't help but get a little teary eyed when they showed a little girl on TV in a cheer leading outfit. My mind instantly wondered to Macie being dressed up for the Husker game today like we did last year. I also made myself smile thinking of all of the different Husker outfits my mom would have had for her with matching shoes, socks and purse. My mom loved being a Grandma more than anything and it shows in her photos. If you are friends with my mom on Facebook then you are able to see Macie's life documented from the start with pictures. She loves her camera and my dad loves being the photographer and I'm very thankful for all of the pictures they have.
Chris still works for Miller's as their Lawncare Sales Manager, but his new business he has started is being a distributor for Body By Vi because it is a product we believe in. I'm sure some of you have heard of it and others of you probably have no idea what it is. It is a weight loss challenge that combines health and wellness products to help achieve a total body transformation. I can tell you from my own experience that it makes me feel great! I still have weight that I would like to lose from being pregnant and I'm a stress eater so needless to say the pounds came on pretty quickly starting 2011. It has only been a couple of weeks, but I am starting to shed pounds, inches and feel better and have more energy than I have had in a long time. If you are interested in losing weight, feeling better or finding out more information you can go to Chris' wesbite: http://www.christopherbarton.bodybyvi.com/ or you can e-mail me: lisa.mieras.barton@gmail.com. I know some of you have probably tried other products so for those of you that have here is some comparisons for you: Nutrisystem $409.00/mo, Jenny Craig $400/mo, South Beach $348.00/mo, Body By Vi $99/mo for 60 meals; refer 3 people & get it for FREE! No counting points or depriving yourself of your favorite foods either! Body by Vi customers have had success from 10 to over 110 lbs lost! When you go to the website there are pictures and you can see the results speak for themselves.
Tomorrow we are heading to the KC Royals game with 2 of our really good friends and then we are going to the Irish Festival. Chris and I went to the Irish Festival last year when I was 8 months pregnant and all I can recall is that they had cheesecake on a stick dipped in chocolate. Needless to say I loved it and I'm sure Macie did too! :) We are having a nice Labor Day weekend at home enjoying Kansas City.
Now I need to get back to studying for my CPC so I hope all of you have a great Labor Day weekend!
Take Care,
Lisa
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