Monday, February 28, 2011

Turn Left

Hey Friends,
Every time I leave my house and head out to Ward Road I want to turn left at the stop light. Left is the way I turned to go to the babysitter's. Right is the way to work. I don't ever want to go right without going left first. Well this afternoon when I was heading into work I wasn't thinking and did turn left. I just started out doing my normal routine and when I got to the high school I realized what I had done, pulled into the parking lot and lost it. I picked up my phone to call Chris, but decided not to call. I know Macie wasn't in the backseat in her car seat. I know Macie isn't here. I know I will never need to turn left again. But just because I know doesn't mean I want to face reality. I want her to be at the babysitter's and I want to go get her. I want to play with her. I want to hear her cooing at me. I want to see her smile. I want my routine back. I miss it. I miss rushing each morning. I miss her cute stretches each morning when I would wake her up and her big yawn.  I miss her grip on my finger. I simply miss every little detail about her. I miss my baby. Sometimes I feel like my arms weigh 100 pounds each and I physically ache to hold her. I know my life is different and I have to get used to a "new normal", but I don't want to. I currently have no desire to discover what my "new normal" will be. All I know is that I went from the mom with a newborn baby girl who will show you a million pictures and tell you a hundred stories to the mom who lost her baby and will never have a new picture to show or a new story to tell.
 
Take Care,
Lisa

Sunday, February 27, 2011

What Happened?

Hey Friends,
 
Many people have asked us what happened? Well the truth is we don't know. We have no idea why Macie stopped breathing. So people may look at us like we are crazy because we don't know what happened to our daughter, but we don't. The Detectives told us it would take up to 8 weeks so unfortunately we have to wait like everyone else. When we do know what happened we will share the information. So far we have been told SIDS, but I'm hoping they can give me more detail than that when the autopsy report comes in. I need something more. I need specifics. I need a timeline. So please pray they figure out what happened to our precious Macie.
 
Take Care,
Lisa

Here we go...

Hey Friends,

Well I have never blogged before so here goes nothing! The reason for this blog is simple: I need a place to write. I have never been one to say what I'm feeling or what I'm going through, but I can write the day away. So this blog I will be using as part of my therapy. My way of keeping a journal of what I'm working through that week, or that day or even that hour. While I know that the road ahead will be long I have to start somewhere so this is where I have decided to begin. I hope you check back soon as I don't know when I will do my first official post or when I will actually start this process, but step 1 is compete I have created the blog!

Take Care,
Lisa