Well I made it. I am now 30! I don’t get all the hype, I feel the exact same I did a year ago. :) I had a lot of fun hanging out with my friends and spending close to a week celebrating. The people that I work with made it extra special with all of there "dooms day" things in my office and this past Saturday I went to Bushwhackers and most of my friends came, even some from KC that I don’t get to see that often so it was a great surprise! And I am now one more birthday closer to seeing Macie again.
The only one missing was Jenny. She was heavy on my mind all day and night. I never thought 26 would be the last year we would spend together celebrating each other’s birthdays and I never thought I would be hitting a century mark without her. Her 30th is fast approaching, May 28th, and I know she’ll be celebrating and I’ll do my best to be happy that day and try to celebrate her and not be sad that she isn’t here for me to celebrate with her.
Every time I see this on Facebook it reminds me of Jenny. If you know me then you know I am obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy. I have never missed an episode and Jenny was “my person”.
As I reflect on turning 30 the next thing I think about is having another child. I have been saying "someday" for years now. The truth is I don't know when "someday" will happen. I don't know what is in the cards for me. I would love more than anything to have another child, I just don't know when that will happen at this point in my life. So for now I will continue to say, "someday".
Monday is Cinco de Mayo which was one of Jenny's favorite days. So in honor of all the years we celebrated it together I will be drinking a margarita, eating chips and salsa and saying "Happy Cinco de Mayo" (pronounced like the sandwich spread) and laugh thinking of her saying it and laughing until she was in tears. Sometimes the good memories ease my heartache a little.
Some days I just miss her and would do anything to be able to pick up the phone and hear her voice. The grief roller coaster usually hits at the most inappropriate times. I can be in the middle of my day and think of her and my eyes will fill with tears. No matter how much time has passed Toby Keith's Cryin' for Me will always be my "Jenny" song and it's below.
I hope everyone has a great weekend and I'll be back soon.