CWS

Hey Friends,

Well it’s the weekend & summer time which means another busy weekend for us! This time we are heading to Omaha for the CWS. Tailgates, baseball and tents…oh my! The College World Series is one of my favorite events each year and I’m looking forward to getting up there! One thing that I still struggle with is “looking forward” to things again. It’s hard trying to make yourself realize that it is ok to be happy and realizing Macie would want her parents to be happy. Chris and I will never forget her and there isn’t a moment that goes by that we don’t think of her. Slowly, but surely we are adjusting to our “new” normal and trying to figure out what “happy” truly means again. Granted we hate it, but we are learning how to cope one step at a time. I hope everyone has a great weekend! =)

Take Care,

Lisa

October

Hey Friends,

So I found something out today. I thought that since Spring for SIDS is in April that April was SIDS awareness month... I was wrong. SIDS awareness month is the month Macie was born...October. Here is the picture I found today:

So since we are on the topic of October let me tell you my 'tentative' idea for Macie's birthday. A balloon release. At 3:01pm on October 6, 2011 Macie will be exactly 1 year old. To honor her memory I would like everyone to pause for a moment of silence, say a prayer and release a balloon into the sky for her. While I know not everyone will be with us you can do this from anywhere. I love the idea (obviously!), but I'm trying to come up with the perfect way to remember her by and to honor her birthday. This is what I have so far, but I still have 3 1/2 months so who knows what I will come up with by then! What do you guys think?

Below is another photo I came across today. I think I'm going to get it printed onto a t-shirt or tank top or something to wear around:

Or for the Macie T-Shirt for the golf tournament maybe we can have this put on the back or somewhere on it. It's very powerful! Honestly I knew SIDS existed, but I never knew how real it is until it happened to us.  You can read all the statistics in the world, but until it affects you personally it doesn't seem real. While I know I can't prevent SIDS I want to spread awareness about it any and every way that I can!

Today is June 23rd which means my little brother, Brett, and his amazing fiancee, Molly, will be married one month from today! I'm looking forward to this and I can't wait! Below is a picture of them. Aren't they cute! I loved all of their engagement pictures! I am so happy that they found each other. =)

Their wedding day will mark the 1 year anniversary since I have talked to Jenny. She passed away July 25, 2010 and we talked for a very long time that Friday night July 23, 2010...seems crazy it has been almost a year since I have heard her voice, had one of our multiple times a day talks, or heard one of her funny jokes or stories!

Take Care,
Lisa

Golf & Mississippi

Hey Friends,

Well guess what?!?! The Golf Tournament is almost here! Make sure to get your spot saved to golf or your sponsorship information in! Here is the link to the website: Macie Elizabeth Golf Tournament! All checks can be made payable to the Macie Elizabeth Fund! =) I can't wait for the golf tournament and to see everyone who comes out to support SIDS in honor of Macie!!

Well my sister-in-law Jessica is now Married and I could not be happier for her!!! We went to Mississippi for the past 10 days for her wedding and it was so fun! The wedding did bring up emotions that I tried really hard to push way down inside. Famiy pictures were hard on me as I'm sure they were for Chris and those will never get easier... And seeing Jessica taking pictures with my nieces killed me so I walked out during those pictures for a moment. It was Jessica's big day and the last thing I wanted to do was even have a tear in my eye and take anything away from her. After the ceremony I was told how strong and amazing I am. That did make me tear up. I was so thankful for the compliment and it came at the perfect time. When we were walking out after the ceremony a sadness came over me. The same saddness that strikes whenever I start missing Macie so much it physically hurts. I kept thinking she should be here! This isn't fair!! She should be in a frilly dress with a huge bow in her hair that Chris would take out and I would keep putting back in and she should be trying to crawl everywhere! Then I got the compliment and it helped me. After that I made eye contact with my husband and he gave me that same smile that I fell in love with and I knew it was going to be ok. We then went over to the reception and had a great time! Below is a couple pictures of Chris and I from the reception. =)

Here is a picture of Chris and I from our Road Trip when we ate at Cracker Barrell in Memphis on our way to Mississippi:

While I was in Mississippi I also got to meet Crystal. She has been following my blog since the beginning and we have talked multiple times, but finally got to meet in person! She is always sending me very sweet cards in the mail just letting me know that she is thinking and praying for me. She also had a star named after Macie so now whenever I look in the sky I can look for my Macie star!  =) Below is a picture of her and I.

I hope everyone is having a great week and I will check in again soon.

Take Care,
Lisa

Macie & her Daddy Photo Contest!

Hey Friends,

I entered Macie and Chris into a Father's Day photo contest through Love Bug Beautique on Facebook. The link and photo is below. Please go and like the page, like the photo and leave a comment underneath once a day! I REALLY want them to win and would appreciate it! Thank you friends!! You guys are the best for all of your love and support!

VOTE FOR Entry #54: Macie and her Daddy!!

Catching-Up

Hey Friends,

 

It dawned on me that I have a lot to catch you up on. May 15th was one of the worse days yet. It was the day that Macie had been gone 3 months and 20 days. It doesn't seem possible that she has been gone longer than she was here, but it's true and it happened and we survived. Chris and I both felt the sting of the pain a little bit more than normal that day. It's almost hard for us to comprehend. Macie has touched a lot of lives and Chris and I have tried to do our best to make people aware of SIDS. It's real, it happens, it's unfair and horrible.

 

Last Sunday we were in Nebraska for Memorial Day weekend and so we were able to go to First Baptist Church for the morning and evening service which we enjoyed. As much as I love going there it can also be hard on me at times. This is the church where Macie's funeral service was and the Pastor did a phenomenal job, but when he starts talking I can hear him doing Macie's service again in my head. It usually takes me a few minutes and then I am able to block out the memories and focus on the message at hand. Well last Sunday in honor of Memorial Day the message was remembering the lost ones. The Pastor started talking about members of the church that had passed and the military and while he was talking I could feel my heart start to race. I remember thinking please don't say Macie's name because I'm going to lose it and my eyes started to get teary which has almost become there new normal these past few months. However, he didn't and just said we remember all the babies. Phew... relief came over me, but then the thoughts started racing through my head. He said babies. That means someone else. Who? What happened? Were they here too? I wonder who they are? Oh no someone else knows what Chris and I are going through and they could be here. Should we go talk to them? I started looking around to see if I could spot another teary eyed mom in the audience, but I didn't have any luck nor did I ask anyone. 

 

After the Sunday night service I did something that I hadn't done yet. I wasn't sure I would ever be able to do this again. I also never thought I would be able to do it without crying, but I did and I survived. I held a baby. One of Chris' really good friends and his wife had a baby 10 weeks ago and he is such a cute little boy. After the service I saw her and was talking to her and put my finger out for him to grab it and when he did I asked if I could hold him. Of course she said yes, but I'm sure she was just as surprised as everyone else who saw me holding him. I was standing in the foyer of the Church. I was in the same church where my daughter's funeral service had been and I was holding a baby for the first time and I was ok. Of course it made me long for Macie, but it also helped heal my broken heart just a little and even though I only held him for a few minutes I was happy to have a baby in my arms. When Chris saw me I could see the shock in his eyes and I'm sure he just wanted to cry. He didn't say anything until later that night and all he said was that it surprised him and that it was nice to see. It's moments like these that I realize I am getting stronger and I will survive.

 

Memorial Day we went and put flowers on Macie's grave. Macie and grave should never be in the same sentence, but unfortunately that is our reality. We got some pretty pink roses to put in the vase behind her headstone and on the ribbon it said "I love you, my angel" it was perfect for our beautiful baby girl. Chris and I had the same conversation that we have had many times at Macie's grave. We discussed how unfair it is and how much it hurts and we tell her how much we love and miss her.

 

Last weekend was also Jenny's birthday. Last Saturday, May 28th, she should have been turning 27. And tomorrow is June 6th which is her 2nd wedding anniversary. Still can't believe it has almost been a year since she passed. A year since I have seen or talked to her. Please pray for her husband for peace tomorrow as I guarantee it will be an impossible day for him.

 

Take Care,

Lisa