Well here we are, here it is...the worse day a year later. We went to Nebraska and spent our daughter's 1st angelversary with our family. We didn't have a set plan, but it turned out exactly the way it was suppose to and exactly how we needed it to be. We were showered with love and prayers from all over- thank you! And we had our family close by to lean on. As I sit at home tonight I can't help but remember what I was doing exactly a year ago today at this time and that is how my day started and how it will end. I'm sure the next week will be just as hard as today with the memories of following her to Nebraska, planning her funeral, seeing her in the casket for the first time, the viewing, the funeral, the burial and everything in between.
Chris and I cannot begin to thank each of you enough for all that you have done for us this past year. We truly appreciate it!!
Today hurts. Today marks only the first year I have survived life without my daughter and I'm not sure how many more of these there will be...30, 40, 50? When I think of it long term I have to stop because I know how bad the pain and 1 year hurts and the thought of 50 more is like a dagger being shot into my heart. I'm sorry, but tonight all there is to write about is the pain and the grief. It hurts, so badly.
Today we went to the cemetery with our family. It was the first time that we went to Macie's spot with anyone besides ourselves. It was so nice to have them there with us. They left and Chris and I stayed for a few minutes longer and cried, talked about how long it had been, and that we are ready to be parents again. When we will start that journey I'm not sure. But step #1 we are both ready or as ready as we can be I guess which is a big step for us.
When we go to Macie's spot there is a figurine there that means a lot to me. I have posted it above along with the poem that is associated with it below. I love that it is there, right next to her headstone and that is where it will sit forever.
When God Calls Little Children
When God calls little children to dwell with Him above,
We mortals sometimes question the wisdom of his love.
For no heartache compares with the death of one small child, Who does so much to make our world seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to His fold, so He picks a little rosebud before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them, so He takes but a few, To make the land of heaven more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult, still, show how we must try,
The saddest word mankind knows will always be "goodbye."
So when a little child departs, we who are left behind
Must realize God loves children...Angels are hard to find.
Thank you again & Take Care,