Saturday, October 1, 2011

Reminders & Strangers

Hey Friends,

Well in case I was comatose and didn't realize Macie's birthday was this Thursday the mail isn't helping. I have gotten a lot of 1st birthday coupons, magazines and post cards from different baby places saying Happy Birthday! Ugh. This hurts. So this morning when I was going through a big stack of mail and came across another reminder I acted how any angel baby mom would (maybe?). I got angry tore it in half shoved it into my trash can and sat on my kitchen floor and bawled my eyes out. This hurts. I thought the saying goes "time heals"....well there is no healing for this Mother yet. But maybe that phrase doesn't apply when you are dealing with the loss of a child. I definitely don't have the answers, but I do search for them. I want/need to know why. I know this probably sounds cliche, but why me? She was my world and now my world is destroyed and will never be the same. I hate my reality, but I am living it. Just because part of me died the day Macie got her angel wings 8 months ago doesn't mean time has stopped. Time definitely hasn't stopped...Macie's 1st birthday is this Thursday. A day I have been dreading. Chris and I will be there facing the day hand in hand. Helping each other push through, trying to accept and survive another horrible milestone.

Random-so I'm sitting in Starbucks and I had my blog pulled up to read some of your comments, Thank you by the way. Your comments help me a ton so please keep commenting! Any ways, a lady walked by me and said that is a great blog my heart goes out to that mother. Without thinking twice I looked up said Thank You and just went on about reading. She got her coffee and came back and sat at my table with tears in her eyes. She didn't realize it was me until I said thank you. (I have no make-up on, my hair up and glasses on, but I don't think I look that different-however I must!) She told me I am an inspiration and help her (, she also told me that she prays for Macie, me and my husband all the time and loves reading my blog. I thanked her and she left. She wanted to stay and talk for awhile but was in a hurry. Now that I'm sitting here processing this it seems surreal to me. She doesn't know me. If Macie wouldn't have gotten her angel wings she probably never would have known I existed. How did she find me? And I'm helping a complete stranger? Wow. Thank you for stopping and talking to me- I needed to hear what you said.

Take Care,


  1. sending you big ((hugs)). the build-up to Julius' 1st bday was absolutely gut-wrenching, but the day was not too bad. we decided to concentrate on his life that day. i'm 11 days away from his angelversary, and again, the anticipation of that day has left me paralyzed with fear. i can't believe it's almost been a yr. i'm so sorry that you also have to walk this lonely road. it's just so very unfair. :'(

  2. I'm so sorry about all those reminders. I am only about two months out from my daughter's passing (also due to SIDS) and dread getting those kinds of things in the mail / email. I'm glad that you are writing this blog and helping others. I'm sorry for your loss and sad that you had to go through this, along with so many other parents, but thank you for being brave enough to write about your experience, it helps other moms like me not feel so alone.

  3. Thinking of you and praying for you always Lisa!

  4. Just wanted to say hi Lisa! Hugs from Utah!