Well we did it! Crystal, Scott, Liz, Michael, Chris, April, Chris and I did the 5K run for SIDS!! I have never seen so many hills, but that is besides the point :) The walk went great and at the end of the walk they had signs up with other babies dates and pictures so for the walk next year we will be adding Macie to the angel lane. Ava's parents were at the starting line to start the race for everyone. I looked at them and I hated that I knew first hand what they were feeling. I think the run was a great celebration of Ava's life and it touched me for obvious reasons, but even the parents that don't know this pain had to of been touched.
Right before the walk I couldn't help but think the only reason we are here is because Macie is gone. I kept thinking over and over how unfair this is. I wish I would have been there to show my support for other moms and not be one. I know that is selfish, but it's true. I hate this "club" that I have found myself in. It hurts. None of us want to be in, but we are the chosen. We all have unbelievable strength because we have to in order to keep going.
I made name tags for us each to wear in memory of Macie. Each thing symbolized something related to Macie and they turned out so great!! It was great to run to support SIDS in honor of Macie. While Chris and I know everything that we are doing will never bring her back it does give us hope for the future and for a cure!! STOP SIDS!!
Below is a picture of all of us after the run! :)
Michael, Liz, Scott, Crystal, Me, Chris, April & Chris
Yesterday was also my Dad's birthday. I thought it was so awesome that his birthday and this SIDS run were on the same day... I took it as a sign :) I have mentioned my dad before in this blog and he truly is an amazing man and anyone that has met him knows this. I called and wished him Happy Birthday when we got done with the run and he joked with me, but I could hear the pain in his voice. He wasn't happy it was his birthday and he was hurting because his only granddaughter wasn't sitting on his lap making him smile like he had thought. I joked back and didn't bring it up, but it broke my heart. Below is a picture of my dad and I from when I was 8 months pregnant. Happy Birthday Dad, I love you!
My birthday is April 21st and I'm sure I will sound a lot like he did and possibly worse... I'm dreading my birthday. I want to pretend it doesn't exist this year. Anytime I even hear the mention of my birthday it is like hearing nails on a chalk board. It is just another reminder that my life is continuing to move forward without Macie when I don't want it to. The word makes me cringe because my daughter is suppose to be here and this wasn't suppose to happen to us, but it did. She is now an Angel Baby flying high in the skies of Heaven and I'm sure she is watching over us.