Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Truth

Hey Friends,

Well it came and went and I survived. I am now 27. My husband went above and beyond to make my day special and to keep me distracted and he succeeded. He likes to say he "hit it out of the park" LOL! And he did!! It was a VERY hard day, but I made it through. He had flowers delivered to my work, when I got home he had bought me a new purse for spring/summer and got me a sweet card. He also got me an angel that has blond hair and is holding a baby with brown hair... it was perfect! It's Macie & I!! He also got me a card and wrote it in like it was Macie talking to me. It was very sweet, but it made me bawl! I miss my baby girl so much! We then went to the Cheesecake Factory on the Plaza and my parents and brother were there to surprise me! I was so happy my family was there :)

First thing that morning I went to the Jackson County Medical Examiner to pick up the autopsy... that was not fun and I got lost on top of it. I do have the autopsy, but it is still sealed and I'm not sure if I will ever read it. I wanted it and honestly I'm not sure why. I know the results: your daughter is dead and we don't know why. End of story. Yup I'm still bitter. An extremely old person dies of natural causes not an almost 4 month old, in my opinion!

So I have received some of the police report and how I got it is a long story, but I have some of it. What I was really interested in (the baby sitter's interview) was cut off so I have to wait to read the rest of it until I get the official copy from the LSPD. I have enough of the police report though and my anger and hatred have been ignited! The police report is a public document that anyone can get a copy of so if anyone wants to verify anything I say, go ahead! I'm not the liar. (I know most of you wont, but I had to make that clear for someone). OK so here it goes. According to the police report Macie was put into a swing at 130 and was not checked on until 220. Anger kind of describes my emotion on this. Who puts a baby in a swing and not a crib when they are napping? Who leaves an infant unattended in a swing for 50 MINUTES!?!?! Why, why, why, why! I also don't understand the point in lying to me, it isn't going to change the outcome!! After reading the police report I have found out that I was lied to MULTIPLE times by the same person and it infuriates me and I believed the lies which makes me even angrier! It was 3 months ago this Monday and I'm finally starting to get the answers I have been waiting for. Yes they are hard to take, but I'm thankful to know the TRUTH! This has been a VERY long and hard week in general. I feel like I have gotten kicked when I am already down. I did everything right when it came to finding someone to watch my daughter, but it just goes to show you that you can't trust anyone or any data base. Jenny was suppose to watch her and that would have been perfect, but she passed away suddenly and then I was stuck in the boat of having to find someone. Finding a stranger. I asked a ton of questions, did every state website search, google search, anything I could think of search and everything checked out. But what my searching and researching didn't tell me is that I was going to be leaving my daughter with someone who left her in a swing unattended for 50 minutes!!

OK that is all for now on this topic because I'm fuming and need to calm down. I will keep you updated on all that I find out the more I read...

Tomorrow is Easter and I think it is going to be a hard holiday. Maybe because it is the first Holiday since Macie passed away? Maybe it is because Macie won't get to wear an Easter dress? Or maybe it won't be harder than any other day because every day is a struggle without her.  Chris and I have gone back and forth, but I think we are going to go to Church tomorrow night and not tomorrow morning. We just can't decide because we know seeing all of the little girls in their Easter dresses is going to break our hearts!!! I know I'm going to cry no matter how hard I try not to so it doesn't matter to me when we go. We are also going to take Macie an Easter bouquet tomorrow up to the cemetery.

Well I hope this Easter weekend finds you all well!!

Here is a video of Macie that I took January 23... 2 days before my world was shattered. She is so cute!! She is just laying on her wiggle worm talking to her friends being perfect in every way :)

Take Care,


  1. Lisa,
    While you have heard this many times, your strength has been so admirable. I DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU DO IT. I continue to read every post and hope that you find some peace in putting your feelings to words through this blog. My continued prayers for God's blessings on you and Chris and for your angel Macie in heaven.

    Take care

  2. Lisa,
    I'm so glad you have this video. She is such a pumpkin. I'm so sorry you are going through Easter without her. My heart is broken for you. I hope the Easter service really speaks to your heart and brings you comfort. Just know you are loved. Take care.
    Love, Natalie

  3. Praying for you. I understand how you feel and I would be asking the whys also. So don't feel about about wanting to know why, especially if you have been lied to about it. I hope you have the best day that you can have tomorrow. Sending love and prayers your way!!!

  4. my heart breaks for you!!! im so sorry! it sucks you had to be lied too! and who leaves a baby for 50 mins!! omg sad!! hold your head up you and kellie are doing wonderful! amazing women!