Hey Friends,
It's Saturday morning and we are at home. Saturday the day of the week that I used to look so forward to. Saturday the day that all 3 of us would spend together. We would play, hang out and just be a family. Well now my family is broken. The chain is broken and the precious link is missing. I woke up this morning and thought today is going to be a good day. Well when I walked out of our room I started seeing Macie's picture everywhere and that saddness that I have talked about got the best of me and I can't stop crying. I just want my daughter so badly. I long for her to just be downstairs in her little chair with her daddy, but I know she isn't.
Our house has lost that "baby" smell and it breaks my heart. I still have her clothes from that day and the few days prior in her hamper. I went into her room this morning and grabbed the sleeper that she was wearing in the last photo I ever took of her and it still smells like her. It has her formula stain on it and I can smell her and her formula. I never thought I would miss formula so much, but I do. I really do. When I went downstairs to get a cup of coffee I opened the cabinet and her bottles and formula are still on the first shelf. I just want to be making her a bottle and getting ready for the day.
The week prior to this happening I was researching how to make baby food. I was going to attempt to make baby food. I don't know if it would have worked, but it was my plan. I just realized, when I thought about the date, that Macie would have been and should be 5 months and 6 days old today. She probably would already be eating baby food. We would be and should be onto the next stage with our baby girl. I used to always tell Chris that I can't wait for her to be doing this or that. He would always tell me to enjoy the now which I did, but I couldn't help it I was always looking to the future and was excited for the next stages.
I still listen to the song One More Day by Rocket Club every morning. It has been and still is such a powerful song to me. It kind of goes hand in hand with me always looking to the future. There is so much that I am never going to get to see her do that I should be seeing her do...
Take Care,
Lisa
Lisa I am so sorry for your loss, I know you don't know me, but I stumbled across your blog when looking at a friends. I just wanted to say how much my heart hurts for you and your family. I will never understand why God takes these little babies from there moms and dads, I'm sure he has a reason that we will find out one day, but right now it's so hard to understand. I will keep you and your family in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteLisa,
ReplyDeleteThe thing that keeps us going is knowing that one day we will have that one more day with our Angels. And when that day arrives, I am sure you are going to be like me and never let go of them ever again. I am praying for you and lifing your family up. I know God is going to help you through this. I hope that I get to meet you the next time you come to Mississippi. You are a very special person to me and I love seeing how much love you have for Macie. Looking forward to that day when we can get to see them again.
I stumbled upon your blog the other day and have been reading it every day since. I have to say that your ability to let it all out, your raw emotions just amaze me. I have three kids of my own, and can't imagine what you are going through. You are so strong ~ I know that it will never get easy or be "ok", but I hope you start having more good days than bad.
ReplyDeletestumbled across your blog today... my heart breaks for you. It truly breaks. As a mother of 18 month old twins, I just COULD NOT imagine. You sound like a very strong person. Your blog so far has taught me to hug my babies even tighter and kiss them more often. It makes me that much more thankful for them. Please know that your story is touching people's lives. Your daughter will constantly be in our prayers. God Bless.
ReplyDelete