Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Sweet Lady

Hey Friends,

Some conversations start out easy, but end tough. Tonight when we got out of Church there was lady that came up to me and asked if I would be interested in going to lunch or going shopping sometime. Well of course! I love to eat and I love to shop and I love making new friends! But when we started discussing Saturday's that we are both available April 9th came up. I could have said that day didn't work for me because it is my Dad's birthday, but instead I instantly said, "Oh I'm busy that Saturday I'm running in a 5K for SIDS." She quickly moved on to the next Saturday and I thought phew she isn't going to ask me about it. But... after we found a Saturday that should work she circled back to the 5K and asked me if I was going to be running just to run or running for the cause. I told her I was running for the cause and didn't elaborate. She then asked me if I knew of anyone who had lost a child to SIDS or if it was just a cause that I supported. I could feel the knot in my throat starting to appear that makes it hard to swallow and I could feel the tears starting to swell up in my eyes that wanted to just start flowing down my face. I took a deep breath and told her that my daughter passed away almost 2 months ago and why it hasn't been confirmed we have been told so far that they believe it was SIDS. Her reaction was not what I expected...she bursted into tears gave me a huge hug and just kept saying how sorry she was for my loss. I hugged her and told her thank you and shed a few tears with her. And then I took another deep breath. I couldn't go into detail about Macie even though in my head I was telling her all about her! I just kind of froze. I didn't know what to do next and she is so sweet! She said well I won't keep you and we can discuss this more on Sunday.

I then got into my car, started bawling and cried the whole 25 minute drive home. I felt like a horrible mom. I mean what kind of mother can't tell someone about their daughter? I wanted to. I wanted to tell her all of Macie's stories and tell her every detail and I wanted to show her pictures, but I just couldn't. Hopefully I will when we have our lunch & shopping trip!

I got home before Chris and when he walked in I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't bring myself to do that either. He started talking about something else completely off topic and I didn't want to just bring it up when I had calmed back down.

The song below is one of the songs we had played at Macie's funeral. On the way home while I was crying I listened to this song on repeat. Yes it is sad, but it is so comforting to me at the same time. If you really listen to the words I think you will understand why...

Take Care,


  1. Lisa,
    I don't think you will ever be able to talk about it without crying. It has been over 4 years now since I lost my baby and I replay it over and over in my mind all the time. I still cry when I try telling people about it or sharing my story to give them a little bit of encouragement. But that's okay because like I told you before it is good to cry. Its good to let it all out instead of keeping it all bottled up inside. I love the song, and I hope you do great in your 5k run. Praying for you and praying that you will have the strength to share your story about Macie. She has touched so many lives and will continue to do so as you share her love with others.

  2. Lisa, My brother David went to Creighton with your brother. I was so sad to hear of your loss. I have no words. You are loved and prayed for.

  3. Lisa,
    I just came across you blog tonight and I wanted to let you know I am praying for you and your family. I love the truth in Natalie Grant's song. I hope you find peace in that promise that you will be held. We will continue to pray for healing.