Approximately 4,000,000 babies are born each year. There are about 2,500 babies that pass away each year. So that means we had a 1/1600 chance of losing Macie. If someone would have told me that I would have said, Oh that'll never happen to us. I mean bad things don't happen to good people, right? WRONG! Chris & I are good people and have always done everything right. I think we had the perfect little family even though no one is perfect. When I think of the parents that are treating their kids horribly or the ones that are addicted to drugs while their children go without it breaks my heart (I don’t know any personally, but I do know they exist). I do catch myself thinking, they get a child & I don't! REALLY! What did I do to deserve this? While I can sit here and say if only it will never bring her back. My baby is gone and moving forward is the only option there is. I don’t want to move forward without her, but I know that she will forever be a part of me that no one can take away.
When Jenny passed away I could have shut down and gone off the deep end. I didn’t because I knew my job was to protect Macie and take care of her. The day Macie was born was the happiest day of my life. I don’t know how I ever would have been able to cope with the loss of Jenny if it had not been for Macie. Macie needed me and somehow gave me strength to get through. That little girl taught me how to be happy about life after Jenny and how to love unconditionally right from the start. That little girl did more for me than she will ever know. I have always heard that a mother’s love is unlike any other, but until you become a mother that love is hard to explain and yet it is so true and real. When Macie passed away I once again could have gone off the deep end, but I haven’t. Jenny and Macie passed away exactly 6 months apart… I mean to the day. Jenny passed away on 7-25-10 and Macie passed away on 1-25-11. How does that happen? Why does that happen? Why am I being tested? I know whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but I am definitely at my breaking point!!! I think the fact that they passed away 6 months apart was a sign to me to let me know that Macie is with Jenny and that they are taking care of each other and hopefully looking down on me.
I have mentioned in other blog’s my love for country music. My cousin Alyssa sent me this song and it fits perfect for the past couple of days. Enjoy! J