Hey Friends,
Well it is Tuesday, again. Tuesday the day that I dread. Tuesday the day that I relive everything. Tuesday which is by far the worst day of the week. It's such a strange feeling to me that my life has kept going when I have been ready for time to stand still. Each day is a new day and each minute is another minute longer since I have seen my baby, but it is also another day closer and another minute closer until I get to see her again. I will see her smile, look into her warm eyes and feel her soft cheek on mine. My heavy arms that long to hold her will be relieved by the touch of my little girl.
We have a repair man coming to our house today to fix our dryer vent. It may be weird, but I'm so nervous about him coming. He is going to walk in and all he is going to do is fix my dryer (which I don't think I will be able to thank him enough for), but when he see's the pictures of Macie is going to ask me how old she is? Is he going to ask me where she is? Is he going to say anything about her or will he just do his job and not say a word to me about her? My stomach is in knots. What do I say? He doesn't know me so there is no need to explain anything, but do I tell him about her? Or do I put a smile on my face and say she is 5 months and 9 days old (Because that is how old she should be)? Or do I say she is 3 months and 19 days (Because that is how old she was when she got her angel wings)? I don't know what to do and I don't know why something so little has got me so worried! He is going to be here any minute so I should probably decide my plan. Or maybe I will just calm down and go with it. WoooooSaaaaa! (That is from Bad Boys II for anyone that recognizes it).
Take Care,
Lisa
Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI think you should tell him about Macie. Let everyone you talk to know about your sweet Angel and then if they can't accept and understand why you are crying, don't worry about them. I think its great to keep Macie's memory alive. She was a part of you and no one can ever take that away. You never know, when you tell your story whose life you might change. Because of you and your love for Macie someone may become a better parent, may need to hear it bc they are or have been through the same thing, or maybe the can see Christ through you. THere are so many reasons to talk about her. I could go on and on. I pray that God gives you the strength that you need to make it through the day.
Crystal
Oh Lisa, I feel for you with this situation. It's so nerve-wracking to try and figure out what the best thing to say is that's not going to make you feel uncomfortable or cry. In my case (though I know it's completely different than yours) I found myself either lying or giving the shortest answer possible and quickly changing the subject. At times I wished the rest of the world just knew what happened without me explaining it so that there wouldn't be a risk of someone asking me questions. I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this. It just plain stinks. I will continue to keep you in my nightly prayers.
ReplyDeleteSending love your way,
Ashley